The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat – When his mom’s boyfriend attempts to persuade her to send him to military school, Conrad and his straight-laced sister, Sally, know they have to be on their best behaviour. Unfortunately this is exactly the time when the chaotic Cat in the Hat decides to turn up. Causing more problems for the children but allowing them to have fun, the cat’s antics help the children want to be better for their mum and in doing so, realise their lives don’t need anything more.

The Cat in the Hat (2003) – Director: Bo Welch

By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=5182967

Rating: PG

Running Length:  102 mins

Starring: Mike Myers, Dakota Fanning, Spencer Breslin, Alec Baldwin

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy

REVIEW: ‘THE CAT IN THE HAT’

Beloved Dr Seuss character, The Cat in the Hat seems perfect for a big screen outing. Yet along came 2003’s version which well and truly trampled on everything the character stood for. Mike Myers’ anarchic comedy style works well for characters such as Shrek and Wayne Campbell (party on, dude) but not so much for an anthropomorphic cat who should be warm, engaging and helpful to the children in his charge.

This Cat in the Hat is purely here to cause trouble. He ruins the family home despite the children begging him not to (a contract is signed to promise this won’t happen but he does so immediately); he uses bad language (censoring doesn’t exactly help when too much of the word is heard!); and while the ultimate take away is that the kids’ lives are better for him being in it, the cat’s friendly but boorish demeanor stops it being a heartwarming tale.

Trying to appeal to adults as well as kids, but not understanding the word ‘subtle’, ‘The Cat in the Hat’ massively misses the mark. Such clear adult euphemisms and innuendo aren’t in anyway appropriate for the target audience, yet older audiences will find the brightly coloured silliness too gaudy. Shamefully, ‘The Cat in the Hat’ ignores everything that made its eponymous character so well loved and replaces it with a crass, rough caricature.

CONTENT: IS ‘THE CAT IN THE HAT’ SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN?

Conrad covers himself in bread products and sides down a flight of stairs. He shoots out the front door and hits a car parked outside. As this is made to look fun and no real harm comes to Conrad, this could potentially be imitable.

Joan’s boyfriend wants to get rid of Conrad as soon as possible and pressures her to decide to send him off to military school. She is unhappy with this but as Conrad is a very difficult child, she begins to think of it as a good idea.

Conrad tells Joan ‘I wish I had a different mom’, she replies ‘Sometimes I wish the same thing’.

The children hear a bump upstairs and go to investigate. They stand in front of a closet, Conrad slowly pushes the door open and is pulled inside, something black appears to leap out.

When the Cat in the Hat appears, he is asked where he came from, he starts explaining about ‘When a mommy cat and daddy cat love each other very much…’ before he is cut off.

The Cat uses a tray to surf down a flight of stairs.

The Cat leers at a photograph of Joan, he holds the photo so that it opens out like a playboy centrefold and his hat shoots upwards (symbolising an erection).

During a song, the Cat sings ‘They sent him to the vet, they cut off his ba-‘ before being cut off. Later, he holds up a certificate which states that he has been spayed and neutered.

The Cat drinks a glass of milk and burps loudly afterwards, causing food to fly in the faces of the children.

The Cat becomes a stereotype of a Southern American ‘redneck’. The top of his backside hangs out over his jeans, he farts and banjo music plays. An elephant’s trunk rises out of a sofa and wrestles with the cat. He jumps inside the sofa and punches the elephant off screen as it whimpers.

A talking fish is thrown across the house.. It hits a window and falls into a toilet. He says ‘This is where they buried my brother’.

A character says something is ‘like a circus’ to which the cat replies ‘Without tortured animals or drunken clowns who have hepatitis’.

The cat pretends to be a very angry person, telling another version of himself ‘I’ll get you and make it look like a bloody accident!’. He then accidentally chops part of his tail off in a fit of anger. When he does this he cries out ‘son of a bi’, this is cut off but again.

Two characters ride the children’s sleeping babysitter down the stairs. Her head bumps heavily on each step but she doesn’t wake up.

Two characters pretend that the family dog is an American football. It is then picked up and thrown out of a window.

Laurence is seen at home. Despite his earlier suave appearance, he is actually a slob. He watches a female gymnast on TV who wears tight fitted workout gear as she does a workout. She cries out in exhaustion but the sounds are very pornographic.

The cat holds up a garden hoe and aggressively says ‘dirty hoe’ he then says ‘I’m sorry baby, I love you’ .

The cat becomes a pinata and is hit with baseball bats. He is hit hard in the crotch. The kid who does this thinks he is just hitting a traditional pinata. After, the cat has to be physically restrained from hitting the kid with a bat as payback.

The cat tells the children that his car used to be called Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter (SHIT), Conrad nearly says this but is cut off.

At a nightclub, the cat shows attraction towards a scantily clad Paris Hilton.

A character tells Joan she is ‘one hot momma’.

A character falls of a cliff into water a long way below but is seen alive but a little worse for wear later.

The sleeping babysitter is used as a raft. The water occasionally goes over her face, causing her to spit it out although no harm comes to her.

CAN I SEE A CLIP?

VERDICT: IS ‘THE CAT IN THE HAT’ FOR KIDS?

Over-the-top and crass, ‘The Cat in the Hat’ doesn’t understand its source material or the word ‘understated’. Due to barely censored cursing and lots of innuendo, we feel this movie is only appropriate for kids aged 7 and over.

• Violence: 1/5 (mostly slapstick. The cat chops of his own tail but no blood is seen and he doesn’t suffer to much)
• Emotional Distress: 1/5 (Conrad is worried about being sent to military school by his mother’s boyfriend)
• Fear Factor: 0/5
• Sexual Content: 2/5 (innuendo and leering over women)
• Bad Language: 3/5 (none said fully but is used as to make cursing funny and could be repeatable. A character exclaims ‘Judas Priest!’)
• Dialogue: 2/5
• Other Notes: Deals with themes of a single parent family, appreciating what you have, deceit, working for a demanding boss and having fun.

Words by Laura Record